


Recovery

by LazuliAlekto



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I'm sorry for hurting Ignis like this, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Noct being a precious bean who just wants Iggy to be ok, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Safe Sane and Consensual, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting, and there will be fluffiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:15:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliAlekto/pseuds/LazuliAlekto
Summary: Ignis had been taken, drugged, chained up and abused.Once Noctis finds him, the long road to peace begins





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS  
> the sexual abuse is NOT described in detail, this fic deals with the aftermath and recovery  
> DO NOT READ IF THIS IS AN ISSUE FOR YOU  
> I have no wish to traumatise someone  
> To begin with Ignis is rather OOC, however this is a result of what he's been through, as the story progresses his normal personality will make a resurgence, but to what extent you'll have to discover.
> 
> If I have missed any tags you think need to be there, let me know

 

  He wasn’t sure how long he’d been in that room, drugged and incoherent as he was.  He did know he had been gone for weeks at least, trying to keep track of the days by how often they fed him.  It was unreliable at best, but it was all he had in a room kept darkened.

  The first few days he had refused what food they had presented him with, unsure if it contained something that would harm him more than he already had been.  In then end though, hunger won out.  He’d felt how emaciated his body was becoming, the fatigue knocking against his skull with every heartbeat.

  It was another failure on his part, but he tried to justify it by thinking he needed it to maintain some semblance of strength, to help him in his bid to win free of the monsters that held him prisoner.

  That was before he realised what they had wanted him for.

  At that point, drugs or no, he became _feral_.

  He’d fought.  Resisted.  Spat and scratched and kicked at anything he could reach the first time they dragged him to the room he was presently in.  Tried to summon his daggers, his lance, anything to hurt them with as they stripped him bare and chained him to the bed.  He clung to the scrap of pride still within him that he had hurt them back, bruises and scratches on the skin of his captors when they came to him each time.

  The drugs in his system had blunted him.

  It was a mercy they hadn’t counted on, he was sure of that.  The events of that night, or day, were blurred. 

  He had been raped and beaten repeatedly since then.  And the drugs didn’t keep everything out.

  He was broken and he knew it, though he tried not to show it, still fighting back, even when they tossed him, bound at wrists and ankles, into the shower, the water scalding against his skin.  He had to be clean for each new abuser that waltzed through the door.

  Through the fog of his consciousness, he could always hear when someone was coming, steeling himself for the pain that was to follow, the humiliation and shame.

  He lost count of how many failed attempts he made at retrieving a weapon from the armiger.  He could just feel it, like an itch beneath his skin, ready for him to grasp, yet skittering away each time.

  This time was different.

  The approach of heavy footsteps was urgent, determined, preceded by screaming, shouting, sounds of fists hitting flesh.  Thudding sounds reverberating through the floor and into Ignis’ skin as he huddled, wedged between the bed he was shackled to and a small table, squeezing his six foot frame into a space it had no business fitting into.  He was terrified, shaking like a leaf, the drugs coursing through his system making it impossible to think, to judge what was happening outside the door to his prison.

  He just wanted to be back with Noct, back with his friends, to forget, blot out his hazy memories, pretend it had never happened as if waking from a nightmare.

  Peering from his position by the bed, Ignis stared at the door, waiting for whatever horror was to be visited on him, trying to control his breathing and stop himself from tugging on his shackles.  His skin was already raw from an earlier attempt at freedom, scars upon scars being worn into his flesh.

  The shouting and screaming ceased.

  The footsteps did not.

  Naked, alone, chained, Ignis was petrified, his body trembling as he shifted to press closer to the space he huddled in.

  The door wrenched open, Ignis wincing and closing his eyes, whining softly, bring his bound hands up in front of his face to ward off blows he was sure were coming.

  “Fuck.”

  The hushed whisper, the voice familiar, tugged at his senses.

  The steps came closer, hesitant, a whispered command that he couldn’t process.

  Blinking his eyes open, he saw a pair of boots in his line of vision.  Cowering, he pulled away, the clank of chains loud in his ears.

  “Ignis, it’s me,” the voice said, softly, a hand reaching out as the man bent down. 

  Ignis moaned, pulling further away and the hand vanished, followed by another curse.

  The sound of fabric and then the comfort of the quilt on the bed wrapped around his shoulders.

  The incongruity of this kindness made Ignis look up.

  Noctis knelt beside him, tears streaming down his face, hand extended but not touching.

  “N…Noct,” Ignis rasped, his voice rough from screaming, shouting for days, weeks, tongue thick from the drugs.  _Please be real, please be real._

  Noctis nodded, wiping his tears away with his other hand.  Ignis shuffled from his spot between the bed and table, crawling slowly, still fearing he was dreaming.

  “You’re safe now, Iggy.”

  Arms wrapped around him as Ignis curled up into Noct’s lap, the quilt tugged down to hide his nakedness, clothing him in borrowed dignity.

  “You are real?  You’re here?” Ignis asked, bewildered, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

  Noct choked back a sob, rocking Ignis in his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I’m here.”  He took a shaky breath, “I’m so sorry it took so long to find you.”

  “You’re here?” Ignis asked again.

  Noct inhaled sharply, tilting Ignis’ face up and searching his gaze.  “Shit,” he murmured.  Turning his head, he spoke to someone hovering by the door, “they’ve drugged him, see if you can find out what it is…and his clothes, find those if you can.  Get Gladio to bring me the keys, we need to get these chains off him.”

  Another set of footsteps retreated, leaving them alone.

  “Noct?” Ignis slurred, his vision blurring, feeling his scant grip on consciousness slipping as adrenaline let loose its hold on him.

  “Iggy, please, c’mon, stay awake,” Noct urged, holding him tighter.

  “Mmmhmm,” Ignis hummed.

  “Noct, the keys,” Gladio’s voice reached Ignis’ ears.

  Noct unwound one hand from around Ignis, reaching out.  “Thanks, I’ll get him out of these, can you close the door and leave us, he won’t want anyone to see him like this,” Noct said quietly as Ignis shivered in his lap.

  “Yeah, I get that, I’ll clear the way to the car out the back, no-one will see him, I promise,” Gladio answered.  His steps paused by the door.  “How is he?”

  “Drugged, scared and who the fuck knows what else,” Noct said brokenly. 

  “Did they…”

  “Yeah, they…shit…can we not do this now, I want to get the chains off.”

  “I’ll wait outside,” Gladio mumbled.

  “T…Thanks.”  Noct waited for the door to close softly before he hefted the keys in his hand.  “Iggy…Ignis, I’m gonna get the chains off you, I need to move this out of the way,” he said, tugging on the quilt.  Ignis whined, trying to pull it closer around himself.  “Shh, it’s ok, you can have it back when I get them off, and no-one’s here but me.”

  Ignis nodded, eventually letting it fall from his shoulders to push his hands out.

  Noct bit his lip, fumbling with the key, twisting it and Ignis sighed as the first shackle dropped from his wrist, swiftly followed by the second.

  Ignis hissed, rubbing at the raw skin.  “Thank you.”

  “Iggy, please, don’t thank me,” Noct sobbed, reaching under the quilt to find Ignis’ ankles.  They made a loud clank as they fell to the floor.  Noct tugged the quilt back up around Ignis’ shoulders, making sure he was wrapped up as much as possible.  Ignis snuggled into Noct’s chest, listening to the thump of his heart.

  “I’m not dreaming?”  Glazed green eyes found Noct’s, pleading for it to be real.

  “No, Iggy, I’m really here,” Noct whispered.  “Can you stand?  The bed might be more comfortable.”

  Ignis shook his head desperately, “not there, not there.”  Ignis knew he was panicking, but he couldn’t stop it, a note of hysteria creeping into his voice.

  “Shhh, ok, but let’s move out from here a bit, ok?”  Noct rubbed his back through the quilt, then cupped his face to make Ignis focus on him, breathing deeply and watching as Ignis copied it, calming a little.

  Ignis nodded, letting Noct help him up and shuffle him over to the couch in the corner.  Noct sat and Ignis curled up in his lap, tucking his knees behind Noct’s back.  Noct ran his hand through Ignis hair, murmuring to him softly, trying to soothe the shaking of his body.

  “We’ll get you home soon, Iggy,” Noct whispered, pressing another kiss to his forehead.

  “I tried, I tried so hard…I couldn’t summon anything,” Ignis keened against Noct’s chest.  “I failed.”

  Noct’s breath hitched, “I felt you trying, every time you reached out for it.”  He took in a shuddering breath, “you didn’t fail, you were fighting back.”

  “They still…they…” Ignis stuttered, starting to sob uncontrollably.

  Noct’s own tears mingled with Ignis’, “I know, you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to, but it wasn’t your fault, ok?”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

  Ignis startled at the knock on the door, Noct hugging him tighter as he called out for Gladio to come in.

  “Got some of his clothes and they found what they drugged him with, I let the medics know.”

  “Have them meet us in my rooms at the Citadel, I want him to feel safe, I don’t want him to be alone…Iggy, do you want a male doctor, or would a female be better?”  Noct leaned his face close, pressing his forehead to Ignis’.

  “F…female, please,” Ignis whispered.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to bear another man touching him.  Noct was alright, Noct would never hurt him, but having anyone else near him would make him panic.  Just the thought of it had him quaking all over again.  Even Gladio standing a few meters away was too close.  Rationally, he knew Gladio wouldn’t hurt him any more than Noct would, but the man’s presence was too much for Ignis to bear.

  Noct rocked him, “we can do that, anything you want, alright?”

  “They found this too,” Gladio said, coming closer slowly so he didn’t startle Ignis.  He held his hand out, Ignis’ necklace dangling from his fingers.

  Noct reached out and took it, “Iggy, here, do you want this?”

  Ignis blinked at the little skull swinging in his line of sight, reaching up to clutch at it, tucking it into his fist and holding it against his chest.  He’d thought it was gone forever, mourning its absence from around his neck, missing the weight of it against his collarbones as he moved.

  “Do you want help dressing him?” Gladio asked, stepping back.

  Noct shook his head, “I think it’s better if I help him alone.”

  “Ok.”

  Gladio retreated and left them alone again.

  Ignis relaxed against Noctis, unaware of just how much he’d tensed up with Gladio in the room, but Noct had felt it.

  Noct rummaged in the small pile of clothing that Gladio had brought in.  He frowned when he only found a shirt and pants, no underwear, no socks, shoes or jacket.  He scrubbed his hand over his face.

  “Iggy, do you mind if you wear some of my underwear, I have some clean spares in the armiger.”

  Ignis blinked up at him, not quite comprehending what Noctis was saying.

  Noct sighed, summoning a pair of his own boxer briefs, soft cotton, stretchy and he hoped they’d fit.  Though with Ignis having lost so much weight, they may just be alright.  The next thing was to help Ignis into them.

  Noct shifted Ignis so that he was standing, letting the taller man lean against him as he bent down, holding the boxer briefs open, coaxing Ignis into stepping into them.  When he had them up to Ignis’ knees, he stood in front of Ignis, reaching into the quilt and keeping his eyes on Ignis’, he shimmied the underwear up Ignis’ thighs and settled them onto hips, the bones far too prominent under his fingertips.

  Ignis stood docilely as Noct dressed him in his pants, frowning at how low they hung on his hips, his belt missing.

  “Ignis,” Noct murmured softly, “I have to move the quilt now, to help you get your shirt on, you can have it back when we’re done, alright.”

  Ignis reluctantly let loose his grip on the quilt, letting it slither to the floor behind him, twisting his head away, eyes screwed shut.  Noct inhaled sharply.

  “Oh Gods, Iggy,” Noct whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

  Ignis knew his torso particularly was covered in bruises, scratches, abrasions, cuts, some fresh, some half healed.  The men who had…come to see him, hadn’t cared about the state of his body, often adding their own marks to join the others that littered his frame.

  Ignis hung his head, to him, the marks signalled failure.

  Noct slid one arm into the shirt, pulling it over Ignis’ back and helping him with the other arm.  Ignis’ fingers shook as he tried to button it up, crying in frustration when he couldn’t even accomplish that simple task.

  “Iggy, Iggy…Speccy, shhhh, don’t cry,” Noct murmured, stroking Ignis’ cheek.  He quickly fixed the buttons on Ignis’ shirt, smoothing it down over his shrunken frame.  It made him want to cry all over again, but he sucked in a breath and knelt to pick up the quilt, wrapping it around Ignis’ shoulders again, a cocoon of safety.  He needed to be strong for Ignis right now.

  Ignis lifted his head, holding out his fist, opening it slowly to reveal the necklace, “Noct…could you…”

  Noct hated how lost Ignis sounded, he's so used to Ignis being in control, one step ahead of everything, calm, collected.  The man who stood before him was a shadow.  To see him so vulnerable broke his heart.

  Noctis picked up the necklace, and gently placed the delicate chain about Ignis’ neck, clasping it and placing his palm over the little skull.  He thanked the Gods when Ignis didn’t flinch at his touch.

  Ignis did flinch when Noct’s phone buzzed, Noct fumbled with it, bring it to his ear.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, keeping his eyes on Ignis.

  “Your Highness, I am Doctor Melita Cadeus.  Mr Amicitia filled me in on Mr Scientia’s condition, and that you wish to have him seen at the Citadel, is that correct?”

  “Yeah, I think he’d be more comfortable there.  Did they tell you what they gave him?”

  “Yes, they did, it will wear off in about a total of twelve hours, it is designed to render the…ah, patient calm.  It makes the limbs weak.”

  “Yeah, he’s lethargic and can’t seem to focus.  Is it ok for him to sleep, or should I keep him awake?” Noct asked.

  “Hmm, see if you can find out how long ago he was last dosed, if it’s more than six hours I think it would be alright to let him sleep off the remaining effects.  Give him plenty of water, keep him hydrated until I arrive.”  The doctor paused a moment, “I understand he was…sexually assaulted?  Being drugged as he has been, he may have gaps in his memory of the rapes, I would recommend him seeing someone professional for the mental trauma.  I will bring some literature on PTSD and anxiety with me for you to read so you know what signs to watch for.”

  “Yeah, thanks, I think I’m gonna need it,” Noct murmured, eyes still fixed on Ignis staring absently at the floor, quilt wrapped around his shoulders.

  “Now, Your Highness, I have examined several of the others brought from the same…establishment.  And spoken with them.  They all say they were…showered and washed thoroughly before and after each…assault.  There are no….there’s no physical evidence to collect, so I won’t put him through that, I will make sure he isn’t…that there is no tearing or bleeding and will administer any antibiotics etc that he’ll need, but I imagine he won’t want anything that will cloud him further.”

  “No, no he won’t.”  Noct pulled Ignis in with his free hand, wrapping his arm around him.  “So, he can have a bath?  That’s ok?”

  “Indeed, it may help him relax properly when he’s completely awake.  Is there someone who can sit with him, make sure he’s alright?”

  “Yeah, he won’t be alone,” Noct said, holding Ignis tighter.

  “Good, then I shall see you in an hour or so.”

  Noct tucked his phone back in his pocket, running his hand through Ignis’ hair, feeling him trembling, “c’mon, let’s get you out of here, Speccy.”

  “Yes, please,” Ignis whispered.

  Noct looped his arm around Ignis’ waist, over the quilt, guiding him slowly as Ignis limped toward the door.

  “We only need to go down the hallway to the end, then one flight of stairs and out the back to the car.  Can you walk that far?” Noct asked before he opened the door.  “Gladio could carry you…”

  “N…No!” Ignis interjected, swallowing nervously.  “No,” he repeated softer, shaking his head.  “I will walk out of here.”

  “Alright, but if you need me to, I’ll carry you myself.”  He reached out for the doorknob, “are you ready?”

  Ignis tugged the quilt about himself, shrugging it up so it covered his head, casting his face in shadow, nodding once before he flicked his eyes down.

  Noct opened the door a crack, spying Gladio, who he waved onward.  Then he opened the door completely, guiding Ignis out and down the hall slowly.  Ignis stumbled a little at the stairs, gripping hold of Noctis, wincing in pain, but shook his head when Noct glanced at him.

  They made it to the car and Noct had never been more pleased that the vehicle had tinted windows.  It allowed Ignis an extra layer of privacy.  Gladio slid in the front seat, Cor already behind the wheel.  Ignis crawled in to the back, and Noct settled beside him.  He wasn’t surprised when Ignis lay his head in his lap, knees hugged against his chest, only his nose visible.

  At the Citadel, Noct’s rooms and the route to them had been cleared at his request.  He led Ignis to his bedroom, pulled back the covers and sat with him.

  He sat with him through the examination, the Doctor keeping it as brief as possible, Noct turning his back to give Ignis some privacy.  But he didn’t let go of his hand, lacing their fingers together.

  He held him and rocked him gently as he vomited into the waste bin when the Doctor asked him the hard questions, holding back his own tears as he listened to what Ignis recounted, so flatly that Noct was scared his friend was never going to come out of the shadow he was under.

  “He’s underweight, obviously, and weakened.  The cuts and abrasions will heal, and I will monitor his blood pressure and so on.  It’s difficult to assess his mental state while he’s still under the influence,” the Doctor said, frowning as Ignis stared at the wall in front of him, hardly blinking, expression blank.  “I’ll check on him tomorrow, if he can sleep, let him.”

  “Thanks, Doc,” Noct murmured, extending his hand to shake.

  Once she’d left, Noct urged Ignis into laying down properly, curling around him, murmuring to him softly.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unhealthy coping mechanisms

 

  Ignis woke screaming a few hours later, scrambling out of the bed and huddling against the wall, eyes wide, arms thrown over his head.

  Noct crawled towards him, wrapping him in his arms, rocking him from side to side, “shhh, I’m here, you’re safe, you’re safe.”  Ignis screams receded to a keening wail after a few moments, Ignis gulping air in and panting it out.  Noct could feel his heart racing, feel the galloping thump of it.

  All Noct could do was hold his friend in his arms.

  When Ignis woke the next morning, he panicked when Noct wasn’t there, swinging his gaze around the room before it landed on Gladio, sitting quietly in the corner, hand out to placate him.

  “It’s just me, Iggy.”

  Ignis pulled the covers about himself, hugging his knees, “w…where is Noct?”

  Gladio’s eyes softened at Ignis’ hesitant tone, the rasp of his voice.

  “He’s havin’ a shower, he wanted me to come in and make sure you weren’t alone if you woke up,” Gladio explained.  “He’s been so worried about you, it’s…he’s been ripping the city apart trying to find you.”

  “He…did?”  Ignis examined his fingers, shooting little glances at Gladio.

  “Of course he did, Iggy, he was on the phone the minute he realised something was wrong.  He said you reached for the armiger, then he felt panic and then you were…gone.”  Gladio frowned, “did you think he’d let someone take you and not look for you?”

  “I…I’m not…I…” Ignis faltered.

  Gladio chose to overlook Ignis’ confusion.  “We found your keys and phone in the alley near where Noct was waiting, then we found your car with your wallet.  We tracked the van that they put you in, but they swapped it out, left it abandoned.  We only knew you’d been in it coz your glasses were there.”  Gladio took a deep breath, “we thought we’d get a ransom demand…”

  “They didn’t know who I was,” Ignis admitted quietly, head down.  “It was never about…that, or Noct…”  Ignis paused a moment, brain starting to work finally.  Something Gladio said and something Noctis mentioned coalescing in his mind.  He pinned Gladio with a sharp gaze.  “Noct could feel…when I reached for the armiger, he said he knew each time…and you said he felt it when I…Oh Gods, please tell me he didn’t feel…”

  Gladio moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed, reaching his hand out hesitantly, “Iggy, shh, don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Did he feel it, every time I was…” Ignis faltered, he couldn’t even bring himself to say the word.

  “I’m not gonna lie to ya Iggy, he felt something, he won’t talk about it, but he hasn’t been sleeping too well.”

  “Oh Gods, no,” Ignis moaned, cradling his face in his hands, rocking back and forth.

  “Shit, what happened?” Noct asked, striding back into the bedroom, shooting Gladio a confused look.  Gladio grimaced.  “What did you do?  Fuckin’ hell, Gladio, get out,” Noct hissed.

  Gladio slipped from the room with an apologetic glance at the two men on the bed.

  Ignis keened, rocking faster, shaking his head in denial.

  Noct dragged Ignis forward into his lap, gripping hold of Ignis’ face, “breathe, c’mon, with me now, one, two, three.”  Ignis tried to drag his gaze away, but Noct held his face firm, “with me, Ignis, one, two, three…I’m not lettin’ you do this alone.”

  Ignis hiccupped, “you’ve…you’ve already…Noct, I’m so sorry.”

  “Ignis Scientia, don’t you dare apologise to me,” Noct admonished, “you fought, you survived, that’s what matters, you’re back, Ignis, you’re back.”

  “You felt it,” Ignis whispered.

  Noct didn’t need to ask what ‘it’ was.  “I felt you fight, Speccy.”  Noct ran his thumbs over Ignis’ cheekbones.  “You fought every time, focus on that.”

  “But…” Ignis began, halting when Noct frowned and placed a finger to his lips.

  “No, there’s no ‘but’,” Noct insisted.  “You’re not tainted, or broken, or ruined or anything like that either.  You _are_ a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful person who had something horrific done to them, but it’s not who you are, Ignis.  It doesn’t change how I feel about you, alright?”

  Ignis furrowed his brow, trying to believe what Noct was telling him.  His Prince could see the conflict tearing through his friend.

  “I know you don’t believe it, so I’m gonna keep telling you ‘til you do,” Noct murmured into his hair, pulling Ignis in, arms tight around him.

  No-one could predict how Ignis was going to react, and they certainly didn’t expect the fury that boiled within him that burst to the surface several weeks after he’d been home.  Noct thought he understood where it was coming from though.  Ignis had always been in control, composed, assured of his place, confident in his abilities.

  All that had been stripped from him while he’d been held.  His control had been taken, his ability to _choose_.  He was angry that they had managed to capture him, angry that he’d been unable to fight back, drugged as he had been.  It spilled over into everything he did. 

  Ignis pushed everyone away, sneering and snarling insults at those who dared to stay.

  In the training rooms he became lethal, a ferocity lurking beneath the surface that would explode whenever he sparred.  Gladio, Nyx Ulric and Cor were the only ones who would go up against him.  Ignis refused to fight Noct, that was a line he couldn’t cross and never would.  He knew he was out of control, knew that he was letting his anger get the better of him, yet, it was there.

  Ignis felt an insatiable need to protect himself, and by extension, Noctis.  The guilt he felt that Noct had been aware of everything that had been done to him ate at his insides.  It hurt almost as much as remembering what he’d been through.

  It was his behaviour while off the clock that had most people perplexed.

  And Noct, while he knew why Ignis was doing what he was, was hard pressed to keep his mouth shut.

  “I ran into another one this morning, that’s the third this week,” Gladio muttered, out of earshot of Ignis.

  Noct sighed, watching Ignis methodically working in his kitchen, on the surface the same Ignis as always, but Noct could see the line of his shoulders, the tightness in his eyes, the set of his mouth.

  “Gladio, drop it, he’ll…work it out of his system, he just needs time,” Noct hissed.

  “Work what out?” Prompto asked.

  “Fuckin’ his way through the Glaives and Crownsguard, and who the hell knows how many others,” Gladio grumbled.

  Prompto’s mouth dropped open, “but, what about…”

  “Prom, don’t,” Noct warned, shooting a quick glance in Gladio’s direction.

  “Right,” Prompto mumbled, “sorry.”

  “He’s choosing, Gladio, that’s what it is, he needs to be able to choose,” Noct tried to explain.  “Now, shut it before he works out we’re talkin’ about him.”

  Gladio didn’t shut it.

  “How is having sex gonna fix…” he started.

  “Fuck, Gladio…what was done to him wasn’t sex, it was violent, it was abuse, it wasn’t sex.  He’s trying to…Gods, how do I explain this?  He used to enjoy it, now…he’s tryin’ to get that back, and there’s the whole control issue.”  Noct scrubbed his hand over his face, “he’s choosing who he gets to have sex with, he’s not letting anyone take that right away from him.”

  “Oh,” Gladio whispered.

  “Yeah, ‘oh’,” Noct spat.

  Prompto cornered Noctis later, after Gladio had left and Ignis was occupied, cleaning up the kitchen.

  “Dude, it’s gotta hurt, watching him…you know,” the little blonde said quietly.

  “Of course it does, it hurt feeling him go through everything, but I will _not_ dump my shit on him as well, he’s got enough to deal with.  He almost had a coronary when he realised I knew what had happened,” Noct whispered back, eyeing Ignis carefully, watching for any sign he knew he was being discussed.  “He’s always been there for me, now I can be there for him, no matter how long it takes, no matter how much it hurts watching him…”  Noct halted, unable to continue. 

  “Will he be alright, do ya think?” Prompto asked.

  Noct shrugged sadly, “he’s functioning at the moment, he’s talking to the counsellor, but he’s…fuck, I dunno, Prom.  I hope…”  He swallowed, “he’s not as jumpy as he was, that’s something.”

  Noct clung to that.


	4. Chapter 4

 

  Rationally Ignis knew what he was doing wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t help it.  He’d talked it through with the Counsellor, and she’d explained why he was doing it, which, when he analysed it, made sense.  But it didn’t make him feel better.  They discussed his now aversion to penetration, how he’d switched roles, Ignis trying to explain that he just couldn’t let anyone inside him now, that he felt…wrong about it.

  “Are you aggressive when you penetrate these men you’ve been having sex with?” the Counsellor asked.

  Ignis blinked behind his glasses, “I…I don’t think so, they haven’t said anything…”  He gulped nervously, “no…I mean, I haven’t meant to be, but…possibly.”  Shame heated his cheeks. 

  “Does that mean they don’t matter, or their feelings aren’t relevant?”  The Counsellor tipped her head to the side, “in your previous relationships, were you aggressive, or selfish?”

  “No…” Ignis whispered.  He took off his glasses and scrubbed a hand over his face. 

  “Then I want you to think about why you would be now, Ignis.”

  Ignis stared at the floor, looking up after a moment, tears pricking at his eyes, “I have been trying to get rid of the hurt, to pass it on, perhaps, not intentionally, but that is what I have been trying to do.”

  His Counsellor nodded, patting his hand soothingly.

  “Having sex isn’t wrong, Ignis, you know that, but the reason you’re doing it…”

  “Yes,” Ignis exhaled, “I understand.”

  “I think it would be wise for you to refrain from any encounters like that for the time being, until you can put aside this need to pass on the pain.  Don’t you agree?”

  “Yes, I do…I don’t want to hurt someone else, it is not fair.  Not to them and not to me.”

  His Counsellor smiled at him again, pleased with his response.  She shifted the notes in her lap, glancing down at them and making a note.

  “What about the nightmares?  And the fear of the dark?”

  “A little better,” Ignis admitted.  “I am only leaving one lamp on in my bedroom now.  The nightmares…less so, the sleeping pills have helped somewhat with that.”

  “We don’t want you to become reliant on them though.  And the other exercises I gave you?”

  Ignis reached into his satchel, pulling out several papers and handing them to his Counsellor to read through.  They went through each page systematically, Ignis attempting to justify his thoughts.

  The Counsellor smelled bullshit and called him on it.

  “Ignis, you are worthwhile, please try to think of more positives for this column,” she said, pointing to one of the pages.  “And one last thing I’d like to address before our time is up, why won’t you talk to Noctis about any of this?”

  Ignis swallowed around the lump in his throat, “he…Noct felt…I can’t,” he settled on.  “I should not burden him with…”

  “I’m going to stop you right there, Ignis.  And you know why.”  The Counsellor levelled her stare directly at him.  “You aren’t a burden to him.  He wants you to talk to him, wants to be there for you.”

  “Perhaps,” Ignis hedged.

  “No ‘perhaps’ about it, Ignis.”  She tilted her head enquiringly at him, Ignis shifting uncomfortably.  “He is your friend, is he not?  Is it improper for friends to console and be there for each other?”

  Ignis sighed, “I am afraid I will tell him…Gods, I just can’t.”

  “Ignis, it was a fever dream of sorts, and, yes, it may have manifested due to your feelings, but you needn’t feel ashamed of that.  It happens.”

  Ignis blinked at her incredulously, “but, the impropriety…”

  “Feelings are feelings, Ignis, you need to acknowledge them, all of them, whether that be just to yourself, or to someone else.”

  Ignis left her office, new set of assignments for the week tucked away in his satchel, despondent and confused.

  The bright neon of a bar sign swung above.

  Just one drink, he thought as he pushed the door open.  He glanced around at the assembled patrons, trying to shove aside the fear that everyone was watching him as he headed to the bar in the centre of the room.  He still couldn’t push aside the irrational thought that there were eyes on him, however.

  Ordering a drink, he settled down into an unoccupied booth, peering into his glass as if it contained the answer to life’s mysteries, or at least his own problems.

  It didn’t.

  Shoving his glasses up his nose, he flicked his gaze around the room, assessing who was a threat, who wasn’t.  Shaking his head, that was something he needed to stop doing.  As was taking men back to their apartments or his own, chasing some kind of release.  His Counsellor was right and he needed to stop passing on his pain. 

  Looking up again, he noted one man seated on the far side of the room, openly checking him out as his friends nudged him, whispering.  Ignis averted his gaze, not wanting to encourage contact.  He grimaced and took a sip at his scotch, swirling the liquid in the glass absently.

  Noct had been wonderful to him and all he had done in return was cause more trouble.  He knew the Prince was worried about him and had brushed off Ignis’ attempts to push him away.  He sighed, taking another sip, wincing at the slight burn to his throat.  He needed to tell Noct more, explain why he felt so…uncomfortable with Noct’s affection and care.  He didn’t deserve it, not when…

  Rubbing his hand over his face, Ignis sighed again.  His thoughts were going in circles. 

  Tossing back the rest of his drink, Ignis leaned back, letting the alcohol work its way through his system, help him relax.

  He started to feel a little fuzzy around the edges, frowning as he tried to focus.

  Ignis startled when the man from across the room plonked down on the seat opposite, grin plastered on his face.  He raised a brow sloppily, then frowned again.  Gods, why was he feeling so inebriated?  It was just one drink.  He shouldn’t be feeling this warm, or so hazy.

  “Hey,” the man said, trying to give Ignis a sultry smile.

  It came off as smarmy, sending shiver down Ignis’ spine.

  Ignis grimaced, “hello,” he slurred, then blinked as he attempted to focus on the man’s features.  “I apologise, but I would prefer to be alone.”

  “Aww, don’t be like that,” the man pouted.

  Ignis gave up on being polite, “I am not interested, leave me in peace.”

  “Sheesh, man, just tryin’ to be friendly,” he responded, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.

  “I am not in the mood for friendly,” Ignis sneered.

  “I could fix that,” the man said leaning forward.

  Ignis leaned forward too, planting his hands on the table either side of his empty glass, attempting to stand, “fuck off,” he hissed.  He slumped back in the booth, head spinning.

  “No need to be nasty,” the other man pouted again, tilting his head at Ignis, watching him slide further into the seat.  “Looks like you need some help there buddy.”

  “Not your buddy,” Ignis mumbled, eyes slipping closed for a moment.  The man waved his hand at his friends across the room, Ignis trying to glare as he blinked up as another man approached.  Gods, could this get any worse? 

  His eyes slipped closed again involuntarily, distantly feeling a pair of hands try to lift him upright.  He heard a sharp grunt and lolled his head back, forcing his eyes open, glasses askew on his face, reaching up he tried to adjust them, batting away the hands on his body.

  “Fuck, he’s bloody heavy,” someone muttered close to his ear.

  “Dude behind the bar’s watchin’, leave him,” another voice hissed.

  Ignis slumped back into the booth, tipping sideways, everything around him going black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little relief for Ignis next chapter


	5. Chapter 5

 

  Noct woke to the harsh blaring of his phone ringing near his ear at almost three am.

  He squinted at the screen, blearily reading the name.

  Cor.

  “Ugh, what is it?” he grunted into the phone.

  “Your Highness, it’s…Ignis,” Cor replied quietly.

  Noct sat bolt upright in bed, “what, what’s happened?”

  “I need you to be calm, he’s not hurt, nothing like that, but he does need you to come collect him,” Cor said.  “He…was drinking, it reacted badly with his anxiety medication and…someone tried to take advantage of the situation.”

  “Shit!  He didn’t do anything…they didn’t…”

  “No, he passed out and evidently was too heavy for them to haul him out of there without attracting attention.  The bar staff found him, found some ID and called the Citadel,” Cor explained.

  “Is he…is he awake now?” Noct asked, scooting to the edge of the bed and feeling around for some clothing.

  “He’s a touch groggy, but he’s fine, it will wear off, but I felt it was best that it be you that come get him, he’s a little…upset.”

  “Shit!” Noct swore again, rummaging for boots.  “Where are you?”

  “At the medical centre in the Citadel,” Cor replied succinctly.

  “Right, give me about ten minutes or so, the roads should be pretty clear at this time of night,” Noct muttered, pulling his boots on, “can you clear his schedule…and mine?”

  “Of course, Your Highness.”

  Noctis tore through the city streets, the echo of the rumble of his car bouncing off buildings as he drove towards the back of the Citadel, using the rear entrance.

  When he arrived at the medical centre, Cor was pacing, something Noct had never seen the Marshal do, customary frown plastered on his face.  Ignis sat on one of the cots, knees to his chest, head down.

  “Iggy?”

  Cor melted away like a ghost, Noct stepping towards Ignis cautiously.  He knelt down in front of him, placing a hand on his leg.

  “I’m sorry,” Ignis blurted.

  “Oh, Iggy, what are you sorry for?” Noct murmured.

  “I have been an arse of late…”

  Noct laughed softly, “Ignis, if anyone is entitled to be an ‘arse’, it’s you.”

  Ignis quirked his lip, the first hint of a smile that Noct had seen on his face for months.  Then he looked down, “I just went for a drink, I wasn’t going to…I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Shh, you don’t need to explain.  I know why you’ve been…ahh…”

  “Acting like a strumpet?”  It’s said so bluntly, Noctis blinks at Ignis in surprise.

  “I wouldn’t have put it like that,” Noct said quietly.

  “I would,” Ignis insisted, “and a rather inconsiderate one at that.”  Ignis leaned back, resting against the wall, “I was trying to transfer the hurt.  Amongst other things.”

  “Choosing?”

  Ignis glanced at Noct, “yes, that’s one of the reasons.”

  “You don’t need to do this, Speccy,” Noct murmured, taking Ignis’ hand and lacing their fingers together as he sat beside him.  Ignis looked down, flushing.

  “I…I don’t want to conceal how I feel all the time, not anymore.  I have done some very questionable things as a result.  Transferring the hurt is wrong and quite frankly it doesn’t work.”  He paused, twisting his head to look at Noct, “I will be alright.”

  “I know you will, and I’ll be here while you work shit out,” Noct said, squeezing Ignis’ hand.

  “You may change your mind on that when I tell you…when I tell you some things that happened…”  Ignis turned his head away.

  “Ignis, nothing, and I do mean nothing, could change how I feel,” Noct tried to reassure him.

  “Perhaps, just…when I was being…raped,” Ignis breathed out, the first time he’d said the actual word out loud.  “I…there were times that…my body reacted.”  He gave a little wince at the admission before ploughing on.  “Everything was…disjointed, there were times when I thought it was…I replaced my abuser with someone I wanted it to be.”

  “Ignis, I’m sure your Counsellor has gone through this with you, but I’m guessin’ that’s a fairly normal reaction,” Noct tilted his head in Ignis’ direction, resting his head on Ignis’ shoulder.

  “She has,” Ignis conceded.  “It’s the ‘who’ that I am having…issues with.  I know it was a coping mechanism, it’s just I feel intensely guilty to have used…you.”

  Noct frowned, then gaped, “me?”

  Ignis hung his head, nodding.

  Noct bit his lip, but kept hold of Ignis’ hand, “I’m kinda flattered.”  Ignis swung his head around, mouth agape, eyes wide.  “So, can I ask, why me?”

  Ignis baulked at the question, looking like he wanted to shrink his six foot frame and hide.  “I am not sure you really wish to know that.”

  “Actually, Ignis, I really, really do,” Noct shot back.

  A deep resigned sigh came from Ignis, his shoulders squaring, chin lifting, trying to pull his hand away, but Noct only gripped tighter.  Ignis rolled his eyes, then flicked them towards Noct.  Teeth bit into his bottom lip.

  “I have harboured…certain feelings for you, I trust you and I know you wouldn’t harm me,” Ignis blurted, averting his gaze again.  “It was…a comfort, I guess.”

  When he looked back again, Noctis was grinning at him, a flush of pink staining his cheeks.  And no judgement or revulsion.

  “You aren’t…mad?” Ignis asked, confused.

  “Why would I be?”

  “It’s…I…the impropriety…” Ignis babbled, frowning.

  “I don’t see anything wrong with how you feel, not when I feel the same way about you,” Noct said, voice hushed.

  “I…you don’t understand, I am sure…I…love you,” Ignis murmured, shaking his head.

  “Ok, listen to me,” Noct muttered, grabbing Ignis’ face, turning it so he could stare straight into incredulous green eyes.  “I love you, I have for a long time, and not the just the platonic kind, though I love you that way too.  You are amazing, Ignis.  You’re kind and sweet, you’re loyal and you work harder than anyone I have ever met.  You’re so smart it’s kinda scary, but sexy at the same time.  You make me feel…safe.”  Noct smirked, “and you’re so fuckin’ gorgeous it makes my head spin.”

  “Oh,” Ignis whispered, cheeks bright pink up to the tips of his ears.

  “But, you’re also my oldest friend, which is why I didn’t say anything, I have never felt…good enough for you.”

  “Noctis!” Ignis admonished, “that’s not true.”

  Noct shot Ignis a baleful glare, “you’re more regal than I am, Iggy.  You have the bearing of royalty, you sound royal.  You even look good like this,” Noct muttered, waving his hand over Ignis’ dishevelled appearance.  “Actually, you look fuckin’ fantastic like this,” he added under his breath.  It wasn’t just the extra button undone at his collar of his rumpled shirt, or the flush to his cheeks, it was in the sweep of ash brown hair over his forehead, artfully mussed.  He’d heard of sexy bedhead before, Ignis managing to make it look effortless.  Bedhead on Noctis looked exactly like what it was, a messy nest of tangles.

  “I am afraid…I don’t know what to say,” Ignis whispered.

  Noct shrugged, “then don’t say anything.  Do I wanna be your boyfriend, hells yes, but we don’t have to do anything, not until you feel…not better exactly, but comfortable in your skin, I guess.  I will _never_ force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

  Ignis smiled, a rueful little quirk of his lips, “I know that, I think that is partly why I was able to have you so close…I trust you.”  He turned his gaze to Noct, green eyes still a little glazed from the mixture of alcohol and his medication, but he was completely present.  “I…don’t want to make you wait…”

  “Ignis,” Noct shook his head, “I have been in love with you for years, I think I’ll be ok for a while longer, or however long it takes.  We will take everything at your pace.”  He shot Ignis a cheeky look, “besides, I’ll never find anyone else who will put up with my shit like you do.”

  Ignis let out a huff of laughter, Noct high-fiving himself at getting that much out of him.  Ignis twisted on the cot, engulfing Noct in a hug, “thank you, for everything.”  A quick kiss was placed on Noct’s cheek, fleeting and gone before he could do anything in return.

  Noct smiled at Ignis’ bashful expression, lacing their fingers together once more, he brought Ignis’ knuckles to his mouth and kissed them softly, “so…what do you want to do now?”

  Ignis bit his lips, peeking from under his thick lashes, “I think I’d like my boyfriend to take me home.”

  Noct positively beamed at that, tugging Ignis to his feet, “c’mon then…boyfriend.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one's a little longer...for reasons

 

  As he’d told Ignis he would, Noct took things at his pace, letting Ignis have the control he knew the man needed.  It was slow, but steady, with a few little setbacks, but Noct could cope with that.  Ignis had started by occasionally taking his hand, mostly when they were alone and he felt at ease.  Just that simple touch thrilled Noctis, knowing how Ignis had always shied away from casual physical contact, all the more prevalent since his ordeal.  Seeing the embarrassed flush to Ignis’ cheeks the first time he’d done it was all the reward Noct needed to squeeze back and then let go when Ignis seemed uncomfortable.

  Noct had panicked a little when Ignis came back from a visit to his parents, uptight and fretting.

  Pacing back and forth in Noct’s apartment, Ignis ran his hand through his hair.

  “Iggy, sit down,” Noct murmured, urging him to the couch.

  “Apologies,” Ignis whispered, folding his hands in his lap.  Noct wanted to reach out and take his hand, but he held back.

  “Talk to me,” Noct said.  And waited.

  Ignis sighed, shooting Noct a bemused glance, “I am not sure what I was expecting, they weren’t exactly…forthcoming when I came out.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “My mother didn’t seem to know what to do or say, I think she was afraid she would upset me if she showed me any affection or…I don’t know.”  He glanced at Noct again, green eyes pained.  “I think I wanted her to hold me as she had when I was small, tell me that it was all going to be alright.”

  Noct winced, knowing that in later years the relationship between Ignis and his parents had been strained.  They loved him, but neither his mother nor father had been effusive in their affection.  Ignis had grown up the same, at first uncomfortable around Noctis.  Noctis, who had simply wanted a playmate.  Through the sheer force of his personality, Noctis had broken down Ignis’ defences, teaching him that love and affection weren’t dependent on how well he did on a test.

  “What about your dad?”

  Ignis huffed, fiddling with the cuffs on his shirt, “he patted me on the head, told me I was fine.”

  Noct grimaced, “I’m sorry, Iggy.”

  Ignis laughed, morose, “I should have known they wouldn’t know how to deal with it.”

  “Umm, do you want me to give you a hug?”

  Ignis bit his lip, “actually, I’d like that very much.”

  Noct grinned, leaning close enough that their shoulders touched, feeling the reflexive flinch.  He halted until Ignis leaned in.  Noct slipped his arm around Ignis’ neck, other around his waist, loose enough that Ignis wouldn’t feel trapped.

  “Oh,” he whispered when Ignis pulled him closer, pushing his face into the crook of Noct’s neck.  Ignis nuzzled his neck, Noct biting back a soft moan, trying to hold still, waiting to see what Ignis would do next.  He felt warm strong hands stroke up his sides, then rest over his chest between them.

  “Your heart is pounding,” Ignis whispered into his neck, his breath warm against his skin.

  Noct hummed, “yeah.”

  Ignis moved slowly, gripping hold of Noct’s hand at his waist, bringing up to his own chest, placing it flat against his sternum, “so is mine.”

  Noct could feel the erratic thump beneath his palm, shifting his hand up to cup Ignis’ face and tilt it so he could see his eyes.  Ignis’ darkened green eyes were hooded behind his glasses.  He leaned in, rubbing their noses together.

  Ignis’ breath hitched, a little whine slipping from parted lips, “I…I want…”

  “Hey, shhh, Iggy, don’t stress, your pace, remember,” Noct said softly, stroking a thumb over Ignis’ cheek.

  Ignis nodded, resting their foreheads together.  “It’s not that I don’t want to…be intimate with you, I just…I’m scared.  Terrified.”

  “I know, babe.  It’s ok, I promise.”  Stroking Ignis’ cheek again, he smiled softly, “I love you.”

  Ignis relaxed, “I love you too.”  Offering Noct a small, coy smile, Ignis tipped his head towards Noct, seeking his lips.  It’s their first proper kiss, Noct letting Ignis slot their lips together, soft, hesitant and absolutely wonderful.  He thinks that Ignis will pull away, but he doesn’t, his lips moving against Noct’s, parting a little, his tongue flicking out to lick Noct’s bottom lip.

  Noct moaned, sliding his fingers up into Ignis’ hair, his own lips parting just enough for his own tongue to touch Ignis’.  Ignis gave a deep low groan, shuffling closer so that they were pressed flush, delving with his tongue into Noct’s mouth.  Noct could feel Ignis trembling, pulling them apart to make sure he was alright.

  The sight of Ignis panting lightly, pink staining his cheeks, lips slick, eyes so dark Noct could hardly make out the green, chest rising and falling with each breath.

  “Gods, you are beautiful,” Noct whispered, entranced as Ignis blushed harder, darting his eyes away.  “You _are_!” Noct insisted.  “You mean so much to me, I can’t even really describe how much.”  He took a deep breath, “I’m gonna say something now, and I don’t want to upset you, I just want you to think about it for a minute before you respond, alright?”

  Ignis nodded, his brow furrowing a little, “alright.”

  “Did you ever wonder why it was that I felt you reaching for the armiger, even drugged and blunted, why it’s only ever you I can feel like that?  When Gladio does it, it’s like he’s rummaging in a drawer, Prompto wrenches his guns out and it’s almost like an itch.  But you, it’s like a gentle caress and you’re the one I can sense, sense what you’re feeling when you do.  You were the first I trusted to reach like that, Ignis.”

  Ignis was silent, mind working as he blinked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

  “I thought…I thought it was because we had grown up together, that we were…synchronised in a way,” he said eventually.

  “It is, but there’s more to it.  I sorta grew up with Gladio too,” Noct said.  “But I don’t get any sense of what he’s thinking or feeling.”  Noct reached for Ignis’ hand, “I felt you wanting to come home, wanting to be back with me, I think I knew what that meant.

  “I wanted to rip Insomnia apart to find you, everyone was telling me to calm down, that they’d find you, but it was you reaching, trying so hard, that focussed me.  And I swore then, that once you were home, I would make sure you knew how much you were loved, not just by me.  Everyone wanted you back, and not because of what you do, but because of who you are.”

  Ignis’ eyes pricked with unshed tears, “I did not realise…”

  “And that’s another thing that’s so…you are so unaware of how you affect people, especially me,” Noct chuckles.

  Noct gasped as he found his lap occupied by a very enthusiastic Ignis, his lips crushed, tongue sucked into Ignis’ mouth.  His hands gripped at Ignis’ waist, forcing down the sharp spike of desire threading through his veins.  He tangled his tongue with Ignis’, sharing breath with him, both of them panting harshly.  Then Ignis nibbled at his jaw, his neck, up to the shell of his ear.

  “I want to…touch you, would you touch me too, please.”

  The request is hoarsely delivered, desperate, urgent and Noct can only nod.

  Slowly his hand creeps around to Ignis’ lower stomach, featherlight.  Ignis is more proactive, long fingers stroking along Noct’s length through his jeans, other hand in Noct’s hair as he captures his mouth again, this kiss deeper, more sensual, passionate than before.

  Ignis threw his head back when Noct finally stroked him, along the hardened length to the head, teasing little touches that cause Ignis to buck up into his hand.

  Noct’s fingers lingered at the waistband of Ignis’ pants, “can I?”

  Ignis’ debauched whine is all the answer he really needs, but he waits until Ignis says so verbally.

  “Please.”

  Fingers fumbling, Noct gets the button slipped free, tugging the zipper down, hand reaching in to cup at Ignis’ cock through his underwear, mashing his palm against it.  Ignis shuddered, working his own hand at Noct’s jeans, ripping them open urgently, a satisfied sigh as he groped at Noct’s length.

  They both start stroking in time, and Noct thinks it’s definitely enough for now, he’s not going to push for more.  Again, Ignis surprises him, long fingers slipping inside the waistband of his boxer briefs, that first skin on skin touch drawing a long moan from him.  Following Ignis’ lead, he does the same, listening to Ignis growl his pleasure at the touch, pleased there’s no hesitance, no panic.

  “Oh Gods,” Noct stuttered, the feel of Ignis’ hand around him the best things he’d ever experienced, firm measured strokes, his hand soft, no callouses because he always wears gloves when he trains.  Ignis shifts closer in Noct’s lap, their cocks lining up, Ignis’ free hand gripping at Noct’s shoulder as he rests their foreheads together, his breath hot on Noct’s face as he pants.

  Ignis’ other hand leaves Noct’s length for a moment, pushing fabric down and out of the way, rolling his pelvis so that they glide and rub together and then Ignis’ hand is back, knocking Noct’s away so that he can curl his hand around them both.  Noct’s cock nestles against Ignis’, his length shorter than the long line of Ignis’, though his girth is thicker.  The head of Noctis’ cock sits just below Ignis’, rubbing against the sensitive spot there, Ignis moaning as he tips his head to the side, nibbling at the shell of Noct’s ear.

  Noct ran his hands up Ignis’ sides, feeling the flutter of muscles under his skin, the weight and definition he’d lost now returned.  He feels Ignis’ cock pulse against his own, his own twitching in response as Ignis increases the fervour of his strokes.  He can’t help rutting up into Ignis’ fist, delighting in the deep groan Ignis breathes into his ear.

  Noctis is close, trying to hold back, let Ignis take as much enjoyment as he can, but it’s becoming impossible.  Ignis’ grip tightens, thumb sweeping over the flushed head of Noct’s dick and all Noct can do is go along for the ride.

  “Ignis…I’m gonna…” Noct growls, hips working feverishly.

  Ignis ghosts his parted lips against Noct’s, “so am I,” he whispered, his voice deeper, huskier than Noct has ever heard it before.  The sound of it sends little sparks down Noct’s spine, all the way to his toes as they curl.

  Noct runs his fingers over Ignis’ stomach under his shirt, rucking it up enough to touch, feeling it tighten and flutter.  Moving his hands to the jut of Ignis’ hips, he ran his thumbs over the exposed bones.

  Ignis rolled his groin forward, capturing Noct’s mouth, tongue probing, searching for Noct’s, urgent, desperate.  The kiss is messy, uncoordinated as Ignis pumps both their cocks in his fist.  Noct pulled his mouth away to gasp, his groan visceral as he feels his orgasm barrelling down on him.

  “Ignis,” Noct groaned.

  Ignis lets his hand drop from Noct’s shoulder, cupping over the head of Noct’s cock as he started to spill out his release, swapping that hand for his other to finish himself off.

  “Ohh, Noctis,” Ignis whined, his come trickling down over the sensitive flesh of Noct’s cock as he slumped against his chest.  The only sound is their harsh panting, then the rustle of cloth as Ignis brought his sticky hand to his mouth, tongue laving up his palm, over his fingers, cleaning every drop of their combined release from his skin.

  Noct blinked open mouthed at the debauched act, tangling his hands in Ignis’ hair, bringing their mouths together, tasting the slightly salty evidence on Ignis’ tongue.

  Ignis’ smile when Noct pulled back was serene, sated and filled with absolute adoration, his eyes soft.

  “Thank you,” Ignis murmured, nuzzling at Noct’s cheek, the hint of stubble along his jaw rasping against Noct’s skin.

  “No, thank you, Ignis, that was…Gods,” Noct mumbled.  He clasped Ignis’ face, “you are amazing.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are things that Ignis just can't deal with just yet

 

  Ignis thought he was doing better, he really did.  While he and Noct had been intimate several times over the last few weeks, they still hadn’t taken it very far.  There were times afterwards that Ignis felt like weeping in gratitude over Noct’s compassionate understanding, his tolerance of Ignis’ fears.  Noct had been so wonderful, being so very careful in everything he said and did.

  Ignis lay beside Noct, enjoying the little touches to his face, down his neck and chest, reciprocating in kind as they smiled lazily at each other.

  Noct nuzzled his neck, “you are so gorgeous, Ignis.”

  Ignis chuckled, “and you are wonderful,” he replied, stroking Noct’s face.  He ran his thumb over Noct’s lips, “these are the most kissable lips I have ever seen…or had the joy to experience.”

  Noct flushed at the praise, eyes locking on Ignis’.  “Yours are so pretty, Ignis, and so are your eyes, so pretty…”

  Ignis wanted to appreciate the sentiment.  He truly did.

  Only…

  He couldn’t.

  _Well, what a pretty toy they’ve brought me…_

_I can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth of yours._

_Mmm, what a pretty ass you have, gonna love wrecking it._

_Pretty, pretty, pretty._

Ignis stiffened, bile rising in his throat.

  He shot up off the bed, stumbling for the bathroom blindly, hands extended before him, crashing to the floor beside the toilet.  He emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl, heaving violently, barely able to hear Noct rushing to follow him, his voice a distant mumble in Ignis’ ears.

  He held a hand out, halting Noct in his tracks, scuttling into the space between the toilet and wall, shuddering, cold sweat rolling down his face, shaking his head vehemently, tears tracking down his cheeks.

  “Iggy…Ignis?  Gods, babe, what is it?  Did I do something wrong?  Are you alright?” Noct murmured softly, creeping closer.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Ignis whispered brokenly.

  Noct gently extended his hand, his fingers brushing over Ignis’ knee, the barest of touches.  “Ignis, you have nothing to be sorry for, absolutely nothing.”

  Ignis blinked through his tears, hiccupping, scrubbing at his face, desperate to believe what Noct said.

  Noct fumbled near the sink, the sound of water, then Ignis felt a warm damp cloth pass over his face, around his neck.  Noct crouched down on his haunches, tossing the cloth back up behind him, placing his hands gently on Ignis’ arms, head tilted as he assessed Ignis’ condition.

  Ignis scooted forward out of the cramped space he’d tried to hide in, feeling ashamed at the display he’d made.  Noct shook his head at him, obviously knowing what was running through his mind.  Ignis ducked his head only to have it lifted again, piercing blue eyes finding his, a small encouraging smile on Noct’s lips.

  “Ok?”

  “Ahh, yes, apologies for my…”

  “No, no, don’t worry about that, c’mon, let’s get you off the floor,” Noct murmured, helping Ignis to stand on slightly shaky legs.  He guided Ignis back to the bedroom, making him sit on the edge.  Ignis sighed, Noct settling at his knees, peering up at him in concern.

  “Can I ask what brought that on?  What did I do?”

  Ignis folded his hands in his lap, “you didn’t do anything wrong, Noct, I promise…it’s just…it’s just a word, I need to get over it.”

  Noct rolled his eyes at Ignis trying to downplay what had happened, “if a word provokes that sort of reaction, I need to know what it is, so I don’t say it again, ok?”

  “P…” Ignis faltered, taking a deep breath.  It was just a word, he could say it.  “Pretty,” he whispered.  “They called me…pretty, continually.”  He exhaled shakily, “one of them called me a…pretty toy,” Ignis added, swallowing down the lump in his throat, willing the roiling in his stomach to settle.

  Noct swore softly under his breath, “shit, I’m sorry, Speccy.”

  Ignis slipped to the floor, wrapping his arms around Noctis, “no, please, you have nothing to apologise for, you weren’t to know I would react like that.  I did not know I would react in such a way.”  He rested his head on Noct’s shoulder, “you have been so wonderful…about everything, I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, without your support.”

  Noct shushed him, stroking his hair gently, “I will always be here for you, babe, never doubt that.”

  “I know,” Ignis whispered in response.  He swallowed around the foul taste in his mouth.  “Thank you my love.”  He pulled back and held his hand out to help Noct to his feet, hugging him again.  “I need to clean my teeth,” he grumbled.

  Noct laughed, shaking his head, “go on,” turning him around and nudging him to the bathroom.

  The first thing Ignis did once his mouth felt clean was climb back up on the bed and curl around Noct, entwining their legs together, placing a chaste kiss to his mouth.

  “Feeling better?” Noct asked quietly, brushing the hair out of Ignis face.

  “Yes, I am.  I will speak to my Counsellor about…that, see what she says I can do to alleviate the distress it caused.  I simply cannot be falling apart due to something so innocuous.” 

  “You are allowed to lose it you know?  I don’t think any less of you…” Noct trailed off when Ignis shook his head in denial.

  “No, I know, however, I do need to get some of these things under control, I will feel much better once I do,” he stated.  “I detest feeling so…” he waved his hand in a useless gesture.

  “Don’t say weak, coz you’re not,” Noct warned.

  Ignis pursed his lips into a thin line, but resisted the urge to correct Noct.  His boyfriend scowled at him.

  “You’re not,” Noct insisted.  “You’re the strongest person I know, Ignis.”

  Ignis raised a brow when Noct put a finger to his lips, halting anything that he may have wanted to say.

  “No arguments, not gonna listen to you put yourself down.”

  Ignis softened, “I love you,” he mumbled around the finger still pressed to his mouth.

  “Well, you can say _that_ ,” Noct laughed, “I love you too.”

  “Mmm,” Ignis hummed, resting his head on Noct’s chest.  He began tracing little patterns over Noct’s stomach, idle little touches.  “Noct?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you sure you’re still alright with us taking things so slowly?”  He inhaled deeply, “being intimate, I mean.”

  Fingers carded through his hair, “I’m fine with it, Ignis.  What we’ve been doing is…it’s great.”

  “Yes, but what about…other things…intercourse?” Ignis asked.

  Noct rolled them both so they were face to face, “Iggy, I mean it, I’m fine with how things are.  I told you, your pace.  As long as you are happy with it, I am.”

  Ignis bit his lip, “and if I am not?”

  Noct stiffened, frown furrowing his brow, “what do you mean?”

  “Oh, no, I don’t mean I am unhappy with what we’ve been doing, not at all,” Ignis assured him, seeing the concern on Noct’s face.  “I just…I want to…I want to take things further, but I am unsure of how far…I do not wish to spoil things by…getting distressed or…” he trailed off.

  “Ahhh,” Noct muttered, still confused.

  Ignis shifted to his back, staring at the ceiling, “there are two main reasons that I have held back, well, more than that, but…when I…after you found me and I went on my little…” Ignis closed his eyes, “while I was sleeping around, I wasn’t caring about how those men felt, I…fucked them, I wouldn’t let them…penetrate me, because…”

  Ignis felt Noct nod beside him, “yeah, I get it.”

  “Right,” he breathed out.  “I used to enjoy that though and I would like to again…”  He twisted his head to meet Noct’s gaze.  “I want to…I want you to make love to me, but I am so afraid that I won’t be able to…that I’ll…”

  “Time, Ignis, as much as you need,” Noct said, curling his arm over Ignis’ stomach.  “I want for you to enjoy it, I want to feel you unravel in the best of ways, feel pleasure.  But you aren’t ready yet.  So, I can wait.  And there are some other things we can try when you are ready, first.”

  Ignis hummed thoughtfully, “baby steps?”

  “Yeah,” Noct confirmed, kissing Ignis’ cheek.  “I think about all that stuff, and I _do_ want it…all of it, but I’m not gonna push.  Now that’s one reason, what’s the other?”

  “Ahh…that is medical, I have had the first set of tests done, and the next are due in a month.  So far I am clean, but I don’t want to put you at risk,” Ignis said quietly.

  “Hmm, fair enough, but…and I’m not judging, just asking ok?  But the other men…”

  “I was safe with them,” Ignis interjects, still embarrassed by his behaviour.  “I used condoms, I mean.”

   “Right,” Noct murmured.  “That’s enough talkin’, you’re getting’ tense.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> comeuppance

 

  Noct knew Ignis’ final tests came back clear, he’d seen Ignis receive the information and slump in relief offering a small half smile to Noct as he explained what had happened.

  But they still hadn’t gone any further than jerking each other off, or mutual masturbation as Ignis put it.  And a lot of kissing.  Not that Noct was complaining about that, but after the conversation they’d had, he was sure Ignis would initiate something after his test results came back. 

  Instead Ignis seemed even more tense.

  Then Noct worked out why.

  And why the silence on the subject.

  The trials of his captors and some of the men who had raped him were coming up.  Noct discovered at the same time that Ignis had been in contact with some of the other men that had been held.

  One had committed suicide.

  Noct paled when he thought about that and the way Ignis’ face had been carefully blank when he told him about it.

  He didn’t need Ignis to confess that he’d considered it.  He could tell.  And they should probably talk about it, but Noct just couldn’t seem to bring it up.  He also really hoped Ignis wasn’t still considering it.  No, he didn’t think he was.  Despite the tension that he could see in the lines of Ignis’ body, he was much better mentally than he’d been.  Very few nightmares, he wasn’t as nervous in the dark, not as jumpy certainly.

  As they sat high up in the gallery section of the court room behind tinted privacy glass, Noct took hold of Ignis’ hand, squeezing to let him know he was there for him.  Ignis sat rigid, ramrod straight in his seat, staring down at the men assembled for trial, brow furrowed.  These men were the ones who had ‘procured toys’ for their boss.

  “I do not recognise them, except possibly the one on the end there,” Ignis murmured, gesturing to a man who sat with the others.  “I think he is the one who distracted me in the alley while the others approached.”  He sighed, dropping his head, “I should have been more aware of my surroundings.”

  “Iggy, don’t beat yourself up, you did what you could, apparently there were five of them that jumped you.  They had done it countless times, had it down so they knew how to take you as quickly as possible.”

  “Hmmm,” Ignis hummed noncommittally.

  Noct knew that meant he didn’t agree, but he let it drop for now.

  They sat through several days of trials, Ignis intensely focussed the whole time.

  It was the last trial that he was truly interested in.

  The boss.

  The man seemed perversely pleased with himself, his defense lawyer dejected as his client dug a hole deeper and deeper with every word he uttered.

  “I asked my men to bring me someone new, the others had begun to bore me, as they always tend to do after a while, they become so complacent, you know.  Ahh, but this last one, he was a fighter, had real spark and he was just so delicious.”  The man pushed his unruly burgundy hair out of his face, straightened the cuffs of his ridiculous outfit and smiled at the jury. 

  The men and women on the jury had trouble disguising their distaste, one man wide-eyed and pale as the boss recounted his favourite things to do to the men his cohorts procured.  The whole room was in shock, even the judge wincing at some of the things he said, no-one able to interrupt.

  Noct wanted to vomit, particularly when the piece of filth began talking about his last toy, knowing he meant Ignis, though he’d never known his name.

  “Oh, he was _fiery_ one, Janus had to keep him _sedated_ ,” the man smile, licking his lips.  Ignis bristled, clenching Noct’s hand.

  “Ignis,” Noct whispered, “we don’t need to stay and listen to this.”

  “I do,” Ignis insisted vehemently, his green eyes bright as he locked them on the man who had caused him so much pain.

  So Noct sits and listens with Ignis, and as much as he wanted to blot out the vile things he heard, it helped him understand what Ignis had gone through.  Ignis had only offered up bare details, but Noct knows he’d talked things through with his Counsellor in more detail, Ignis admitting that the woman won’t allow bullshit in her sessions and for Ignis to get through it, he needed to talk about it.

  He turned his head to see the tight line of Ignis’ jaw twitching as if he’s clenching his teeth, his whole body rigid.  Noct ran his thumb over the back of Ignis’ hand, just for the simple support and comfort.

  Thankfully, the man’s forthright approach to the questioning of the prosecution means that the defense lawyer has little to work with, and from the faces of the jury the result is a foregone conclusion.  They only need wait half an hour before the jury shuffles back in to give their verdict and Noct feels the tension leave Ignis as it’s delivered.

  The man, Izunia, is led away and the jury again shuffles out.  Ignis sits and stares off into the distance for a long moment, processing what had happened.

  “Let’s go,” Ignis said suddenly, rising from his seat, something more confident back in his tone.  Noct hadn’t heard it in months and he can see it’s like a weight had been lifted from Ignis’ broad shoulders, his bearing straighter, chin tilted up in the slightly imperious way that had always been present before.

  It’s like the Ignis he was before has stepped out of the shadow he’d been cloaked in.  Noct felt the tension he’d been carrying since Ignis was taken slowly dissipate, it’s been there so long, he’d hardly noticed he had been wearing it.  Ignis offered him a little quirk of his lips, and Noct tugged him close, wrapping his arms around Ignis’ taller frame, resting his head on Ignis’ shoulder.

  When they made it back to Noct’s apartment, Ignis settled of the couch with a shaky sigh, running his hand through his hair, then removing his glasses, placing them on the little side table.  Then he patted the space beside him, coaxing Noct to join him.

  “I know you wished to warp in there and smash them all to bits, thank you for staying by my side,” Ignis said softly, lacing their hands together.

  “I wouldn’t have been anywhere else, Iggy,” Noct stated simply, leaning into Ignis’ side.

  “Yes, well, thank you, regardless,” Ignis murmured, pressing a kiss to Noct’s cheek.

  Noct twisted at Ignis’ side, facing him, his hand stroking Ignis’ cheek tenderly, “I’m proud of you, you know, you handled yourself with dignity in there.”

  Ignis flushed, casting his eyes down, then flicking them back up to meet Noct’s.  He leaned in, his lips soft against Noct’s.  “I love you so very much.”

  “I love you too,” Noct whispered against Ignis’ lips.

  Ignis sighed deeply, shifting so he was leaning against the arm rest, bringing Noct with him, “I feel lighter, yet drained.”

  “Hmm,” Noct hummed thoughtfully, “do you want a bath, lay back and relax?”  He lifted his head to look up at Ignis.  “I’ll even put some bubbles in.”

  Ignis chuckled, “actually, that sounds heavenly.  Would you join me?”

  Noct grinned, it’s the first proper laugh from Ignis, a deep rumble that vibrated Noct’s chest.  He’d missed that sound so much.  Lifting up, he held his hand out to Ignis and pulled him to his feet, dragging him to the bathroom

  When they settle into the water, Ignis leaned back against the edge, pulling Noct in to rest his back flush with Ignis’ chest, strong thighs cradling him, arms draped around his middle.

  “Mmm, best idea ever,” Noct mumbled, muscles lax, enjoying the warmth of the water and Ignis’ body around him.  Ignis hummed his agreement sleepily, nuzzling at Noct’s cheek with his own.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby steps

 

  Ignis’ progress was much swifter after the trials were concluded, as if he’d needed to see his captors put away before he could truly heal.  He was still guarded around most people, didn’t like casual touch from anyone but Noctis, and there were still moments when Noct could see him struggling with something someone had said.  He knew the nightmares still plagued his boyfriend sometimes, he’d been witness to that, Ignis thrashing beside him when he slept in Noct’s bed, but overall, the panic attacks had lessened, and he didn’t stiffen when someone brushed against him accidentally. 

  And his touches were becoming bolder, and eager for them to be returned.  But Noct took it slow.

  Ignis wrapped his arms around Noct from behind one evening, lips nibbling at his neck, “remember the conversation about ‘baby steps’, love?”

  Noct tried to focus, something that was incredibly difficult with Ignis licking and kissing his neck.

  “Mmmhmm.”

  “There is something I have been wanting to do, if you would be amenable,” Ignis murmured, nibbling his way to Noct’s ear.

  “Uh huh, _totally_ amenable,” Noct mumbled.

  Ignis huffed out a dark laugh, “you don’t even know what it is.”

  Noct twisted in Ignis’ grip, peering up at him, grin plastered on his face, “doesn’t matter, literal putty in your hands, Speccy.  You make me melt just by speaking.”

  Ignis quirked a brow in amusement, “hmm, is that so?  And what if I wish to use my mouth in another way?”

  Noct groaned, feeling his stomach clench at Ignis’ playful tone.  And the implication.

  “Are you sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’?” Noct asked, hands firmly planted on Ignis’ chest, desperately trying not to clench his fists in Ignis’ pristine shirt.

  Ignis darkened green eyes glinted behind his glasses, “if what you’re thinking involves licking and sucking, then yes.”  Warm, soft lips brushed Noct’s ear, “I wish to taste you on my tongue.”

  Noct genuinely thought his legs might give out, gave up caring about wrinkling Ignis’ shirt and pulled him in for a searing kiss.  Ignis melted into it, his tongue flicking against Noct’s, hands tangling in Noct’s hair.  There was absolutely no hint of hesitation, Ignis walking Noct backwards to the couch, urging him to sit on the edge and part his thighs so Ignis could kneel between them, their mouths hardly parting the whole time.

  When they finally did part, Ignis coasted his hands up Noct’s thighs, over his hips, skittering towards his belt.  Noct stroked his hand through Ignis’ hair, the styling gradually coming undone with each sweep of his fingers.  He reached down to Ignis’ glasses, gently removing them and placing them out of harm’s way, immediately stroking Ignis’ cheek, running his thumb over Ignis’ bottom lip, sucking in a hitched breath as Ignis flicked his tongue out, licking at it.

  Ignis worked at his belt, then on to button and zipper, shuffling Noct’s pants down around his thighs, green eyes flicking up to Noct’s briefly.

  Noct frowned, there was something in Ignis’ eyes that told him to stop this.

  “Iggy?”

  Ignis looked up, fingers at the waistband of Noct’s underwear, a mingling of lust and fear in his darkened green eyes.

  “Hey, you don’t have to…”

  Ignis swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, “I want to,” he whispered, fingers tugging the last bit of fabric down.  Noct moaned as he was exposed to the air, feeling Ignis hand curl around him, warm and firm.

  Then Ignis seemed to freeze.  His eyes were locked on Noct’s length in his hand, his breathing erratic.

  “Ignis,” Noct murmured, finger under Ignis’ chin to lift his face.

  When Ignis first looked up, his eyes were clouded by fear and panic, but the longer he gazed up at Noct, the more that melted away, his breathing calming.  With their eyes locked, Ignis dropped his mouth open, tongue darting out to deliver a kittenish lick to the head of Noct’s dick.

  Ignis swirled his tongue, massaging it against the sensitive spot below the head, then licking a long stripe up the underside, all while keeping his gaze fixed on Noct.  Ignis’ free hand came up to stroke at Noct’s balls, testing their weight, rolling them gently as he suckled the head into his mouth, humming in satisfaction when Noct moaned at the warm wet heat of Ignis’ mouth.

  Noct shoved his fist into his mouth, other hand griping Ignis’ shoulder in an effort to stay still and not buck up into Ignis’ mouth.  Not only was it rude to do, in Ignis’ case, it might make his boyfriend freak out.  He curled his fingers into Ignis’ shoulder before shifting his hand to the couch cushion, gripping so tight he heard the fabric protest.

  As Ignis began to suckle at him in earnest, his eyes would slip closed for a few moments, then flutter open to stare up at Noct, his gaze utterly adoring.

  Ignis’ mouth let Noct’s cock slip from between his lips, “touch me, please,” he pleaded, his voice rough and low.

  Noct nodded, withdrawing the fist in his mouth, stroking Ignis’ cheek, watching as his boyfriend leaned into the touch, then smiled softly before resuming his worship of Noct’s dick.  He watched, entranced, as Ignis hollowed his cheeks, sliding lower and lower, the feel of his tongue hot against his shaft.  The twin pleasure of watching Ignis suck him off and the intense feel of Ignis’ mouth around him conspire to throttle his orgasm from him far quicker than he wanted. 

  “Oh, Six!” Noct moaned hoarsely, “that’s… _fuck_ …Ignis!”

  Ignis blinked up at him, slight smirk pulling at the corners of his lips as he continued his ministrations, hand palming at Noct’s balls, a deep hum vibrating his length, lips reddened and slick, cheeks flushed high on his cheekbones, green eyes glazed with lust.  He looks stunning, beautiful, glorious.

  Then Ignis descends lower around him, throat constricting as tears form in his eyes, but never leave Noct’s as he pulls back up, lapping at the head with his lips and tongue.  Noct distantly hears his own whine, needy and urgent as Ignis sucks down again, tugging at his tightening balls, the pulse of his cock on Ignis’ tongue echoing his rapid heartbeat.  Ignis is unravelling him with every lick and suck, deep or shallow. 

  Fingers tangled in Ignis’ hair, Noct slumps back, hips twitching, his stomach flipping and coiling, panting as Ignis sucks harder, green eyes intense as he watched Noct come undone.

  “Nnnngh,” Noct growled, tugging on Ignis’ hair, thighs tensing as he reached tipping point.

  Ignis’ answering moan is thoroughly wanton, pulling up to suck at the head as Noct released, swallowing greedily, tongue swirling making sure to get everything before he eventually pulls away, lips red and swollen.  There’s a satisfied lazy smile on those lips, rising from his place on the floor to lean over Noct and mouth at him.

  Noct, far too blissed out to fully respond, mewls at the taste of himself on Ignis’ tongue, grabbing at Ignis to pull him closer.

  He’s not even remotely embarrassed to be exposed the way he is, softening cock glistening with Ignis’ saliva, but he does appreciate it when Ignis shuffles his pants back up his thighs, tucking him back into his underwear.  Ignis leaves his pants open, not bothering with button or zipper, preferring to bring his hands up into Noct’s hair, angling him for another kiss.

  They rest their foreheads together after long moment, Noct’s breathing slowing, Ignis nuzzling his cheek, long legs draped across Noct’s lap, arms around his shoulders.

  “What about you?” Noct ventures.

  Ignis dipped his head, flush staining his cheeks, “no need,” he whispered, voice still rough.

  Noct blinked, glancing down at Ignis’ lap.

  Oh.  _OH!_

  There’s a damp patch over his groin and Ignis’ shifts a little uncomfortably.

  “Did you just come from sucking me off?” Noct asked, incredulous.

  Ignis let out an undignified squeak, coughing to cover it, “umm…”

  “Really?”  Noct stares at Ignis wide-eyed.

  “I enjoyed it,” Ignis mumbled defensively.

  “Oh Gods,” Noct murmured, capturing Ignis’ lips again.  The fact that Ignis liked it _that_ much overwhelming.  “That’s…wow.”  He glanced at Ignis, the flush fading from his cheeks.  “Next time, your turn.”

  Ignis’ lashes flutter, teeth biting into his lip, “I think I’ll enjoy that too.”

  Noct grinned, “oh, babe, I will make sure you do.”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leap of faith

 

  Ignis laid himself out on Noct’s bed, sheet draped low over his hips as he turned on his side and faced the door.  Then twisted on his back, arm behind his head.  He rolled his eyes at himself, trying to appear alluring, enticing for Noctis when he walks in.  He shifted back to his side, wanting to see the look on Noct’s face when he sees him.

  Freshly showered, shaved – face and other areas as he likes to be, and as prepared as he can be.  Naked in Noct’s bed, bottle of lubricant stashed away under a pillow.  He hadn’t styled his hair, Noctis had expressed his appreciation for Ignis with his hair down, slightly dishevelled so that it falls over his forehead.  He’d said it was sexy.  Ignis is aiming for sexy.

  He’s still nervous, worrying at his lips, forcing himself to stop.  Over the last few months, they’ve explored the ‘baby steps’, doing everything but the final act.  Well, Ignis had made love to Noctis, but his Prince hasn’t had anything but his fingers or tongue in Ignis.  And while that has been deliriously wonderful, he wanted this, to take the final step.  He has become increasingly desperate to feel Noct inside him, filling him, taking him apart.

  He wants new memories.  Memories with Noctis.

  The thought of it no longer fills him with dread or panic, though, he muses, it may not be that way if it were anyone else.  But, it’s Noctis he wants.  There are plenty of things that still bother him, casual touch from anyone but Noct sends chills down his spine, the clank of chains haunts his dreams still, certain words or phrases make him freeze.

  He shoves those thoughts away, not wanting them to taint this.  He thinks of Noctis instead.  It brings a soft smile to his face, beautiful, wonderful, sweet Noctis.  Patient with Ignis through everything in a way he never is with anything else.  Ignis felt warmth bloom in his chest at the thought of his Prince, the loving way he touches him, the way his kiss can leave Ignis breathless and dazed.

  His face is serene, eyes hooded, little smile playing on his lips when he looks up to see Noct leaning against the bedroom doorway, the Prince’s expression hungry as he takes in Ignis displayed on the bed.  Ignis tipped his head to one side, crooking his finger and coaxing Noct close.

  Noct grinned, “gimme a minute, just want to look at you like that.”

  Ignis smirked, a wry little twist of his lips, sweeping his hand up his chest, “you may look all you wish then, love.”  He bites his lip as Noct saunters closer, shedding his jacket in the process, letting it drop to the floor behind him.  He’s quivering with anticipation as he watches Noct disrobe, shirt and pants following quickly, leaving his boyfriend in nothing but his briefs, straining at the front making his arousal evident.  Ignis flicked his gaze from Noct’s groin to his eyes, smiling softly as he sees how dark they’ve become, because of him.  And that, more than anything else makes Ignis feel sexy, desired and loved.

  Ignis licked his lip, a little whine coming from him as Noct kneels on the bed, dipping his head as he crawls closer, their mouths meeting gently at first.  Ignis surges up into it, dragging Noct down with him, the sheet slipping from his hip and down his thigh as he pulls Noct to him.  He hummed softly as their bared chests meet, rubbing against each other, tingles sparking down his spine to his toes.  He hummed again at the feel of Noct’s hands skittering up and down the planes of his back, the way they stop just above his ass to caress the dimples there, lingering but a moment before his warm fingers move up one side, almost tickling in their light touch.

  Noct moans into Ignis’ mouth, their tongues flicking languidly, pulling away just enough to suck at Ignis’ bottom lip.  Ignis loves that and Noct knows it, using it over and over to drive Ignis to distraction.

  They roll together on the bed, sheet now tangled around Ignis’ feet, baring him entirely, slipping his thighs open for Noct to settle between them and bringing their bodies flush.  Ignis moaned thickly at the warmth of Noct’s chest rubbing against his own, dragging blunt nails up Noct’s back, their mouths still locked together.

  Noct pulls his mouth away, breath hot on Ignis’ ear, “what do you want, babe?”

  It’s become a familiar question, Noct always checking to see what Ignis felt ready for.  He can’t help but smile, toying with Noct’s hair, twining it between his fingers, nuzzling his cheek against Noct’s.

  “I…I want everything, I want you to make love to me,” Ignis whispers, surprised at how deep his own voice sounds to his ears.

  Noct’s groan thrills him to his toes as they curl in the sheets, canting his hips up to ensure his point gets through, his bare length rubbing over Noct’s underwear clad one.  The friction is divine, and very much not enough.

  Noct leaned up on his elbows above Ignis, “you’re sure?”

  “Utterly sure,” Ignis responds, pulling Noct back down for a searing kiss, their tongues flicking and curling.  He felt Noct’s hand ghost down his side to his hip, tracing little mindless circles in the flesh over the bone.  Then those fingers are traveling back up, over his chest, toying with the hardening nub of his nipple.  Ignis keened, arching his back into the touch, insanely sensitive.

  Noct chuckled, moving his mouth down Ignis’ jaw, over the taut line of his throat, tongue laving his skin as he goes.  A dark mark is suckled to the flesh over his collarbones, kisses pressed to his sternum as Noct moves lower.

  “Mmmm,” Noct hums, replacing his teasing fingers with his lips and tongue.  Ignis clasped the back of Noct’s head, arching up again, whining as Noct began to suckle the nipple into his mouth, his hand moving across to flick and pinch the other.

  “Oh…” Ignis whispered, reverent, as Noct caresses his stomach, the featherlight touch descending ever lower, teasing at the trail of hair that begins below his navel, all the while suckling gently.  It all feels so wonderful, sweet, caring, adoring.  Noct lets his nipple go, flicking his eyes up to see Ignis panting, open mouthed, eyes glazed.  The Prince smiles to himself before he began pressing kisses down Ignis’ chest, over his taut stomach, feeling the little twitches.  Eyes still on Ignis, Noct grins again as the hand on his head pushes him further down, urging him to nose at Ignis’ groin, avoiding the one thing Ignis wants most at the moment in favour of nuzzling around the base.

  Ignis groaned in frustration earning him a dark chuckle from Noctis.

  “It’s ok, babe,” Noct giggled as Ignis canted his hips.

  And finally Ignis felt Noct’s hand circle the base of his cock.  He very nearly sobbed in relief, clutching at Noct’s hair, moaning as Noct began to stroke, up and down, thumbing at the head.  Ignis couldn’t hold still, squirming, planting his feet in the sheets, lifting his ass up eagerly into Noct’s fist.

  Ignis let out a yelp when the head of his cock was engulfed by Noct’s mouth, melting into the bed, mewling softly

  “Noct…” Ignis warned, “please don’t tease me.”

  Noct hummed, sucking down, fondling Ignis’ balls, easing off when he felt Ignis twitch and pulse against his tongue, Ignis’ whine getting higher and higher in pitch.  An exploring finger circled his rim, Ignis’ eyes rolling back into his head.  He lost himself in the sensation, the hot breath that Noct blew across his length, the gently teasing finger, all sending delicious little sparks through his system.  Ignis lifted his knees, angling his hips so Noct had better access, biting his lips as Noct bent his head, nuzzling at his balls before his tongue laved his rim.

  Noct hummed, Ignis shivering at the vibration through his ass.  Ignis laid back, letting the sensations wash over him, letting Noct do as he wished.  Noct pulled his cheeks apart gently, peering up every so often to see if Ignis was still alright, to which he’d nod and try to smile through his panting.

  The moment Noct began to push his tongue through the ring of muscle Ignis spread his legs as wide as he could, eager for more.  Grabbing his legs behind his knees, he lifted, opening himself wide, Noct probing, circling with his tongue, painting his walls.  Letting go of one leg, Ignis rummaged around behind his head, eventually successful in his quest for the lubricant.  He brandished it Noct’s line of sight, virtually demanding its immediate use.

  Noct ignored him, taking the bottle and letting it drop to the bed, still working his tongue, thrusting it in and out, swirling it around the ring before slipping it back in again.  Ignis moaned, knowing he was going to be teased, edged to the point of orgasm, then Noct would back off, let him settle, get his breath before repeating the process.

  It was something Noct had learnt from Ignis himself.

  He was thoroughly regretting that now.

  Thankfully Noct was more interested in moving things along than completely reducing Ignis to a drooling mess, his own excitement betrayed by the gleam in his eyes and the haste with which he coated his fingers.

  Ignis breathed a sigh of relief when Noct began sliding the first slick finger in, Noct barking out a laugh at the sound Ignis made.

  “You are insufferably smug, love,” Ignis gasped, Noct pumping his finger in and out.

  “And you are insufferably tight, babe,” Noct laughed.

  Ignis coloured, biting his lip, averting his gaze as Noct worked him open, avoiding that spot that would make him arch up off the bed.  Noct’s fingers slowed, blue eyes watching his every reaction.

  “I am alright, Noct,” Ignis murmured, “almost…ready.”

  “Mmm, you’re more than alright,” Noct whispered, pressing a kiss to Ignis’ inner thigh.  Ignis flushed, swatting at Noct’s shoulder.

  “I hardly need seducing…” Ignis muttered, gesturing to his current position, thighs spread, Noct’s fingers buried inside him.

  Noct kissed his thigh again, “never gonna stop doin’ that, Iggy.”

  Rationally, Ignis knows its his body flooding with serotonin, dopamine, yet to him it feels more tangible than that, something he could reach out and grasp, and in a way he does, revelling in the way Noct makes him feel.  Loved, cherished, desired.

  And no fear or hesitation.

  “Please, Noct, I need you,” Ignis gasped, clutching at the sheets under him.

  Noct gives him a soft smile, reaching for the bottle and leaning back as he coats himself.  Ignis watched, drinking in the sight, licking his lips and shifting closer.  They’ve discussed this, what they would do, what position would be best, Noct suggesting that Ignis control the pace by climbing on top of him.  Noct will still be able to move, to thrust, but Ignis can control his movements, decide how deep, how fast, and he does appreciate that, though currently, all he wants to do is impale himself on the thickened girth that Noct is stroking.

  “C’mere babe,” Noct urges, eyes locked on the way Ignis crawls over him, planting his hands on Noct’s chest.  Ignis straddled Noct’s hips, leaning down to steal a kiss or two, hands cupping Noct’s face. 

  “I adore you,” Ignis whispered, peppering Noct’s face with kisses.

  The look Noctis gave him had Ignis melting, one part love, one part utter hunger.

  Noct angled his cock back, guiding it as Ignis lifted enough to help find position.  With the head probing the ring of muscle Ignis halted, inhaling deeply.

  “You ok?” Noct asked softly.

  “Perfect,” Ignis asserted, letting his hips drop slowly.  “Ohhh,” he moaned as his hole stretched around the head of Noct’s cock.  “Yes, definitely, perfect.”

  Noct gripped his hips, holding Ignis steady, “mmm, you feel fuckin’ amazing already, Speccy.”

  Ignis had become incoherent, lowering himself until he was flush with Noct’s groin, head thrown back, hands planted on Noct’s chest, moaning softly as he rocked his pelvis back and forth.  He sent a brief prayer of thanks to the Astrals, entranced by how wonderfully fulfilled he felt, how complete it made him, knowing that he could enjoy this again.

  Ignis lifted his hips, Noct’s slick shaft creating a delicious push and pull within him.  He angled his groin and descended again, keening when the head of Noct’s dick brushed over his prostate.

  “Oh fuck,” Noct ground out, Ignis clenching around him.

  Ignis began to really move, unable to help himself, almost moving by instinct, riding Noct into the bed, letting go of every qualm he had, letting himself truly enjoy the sensations, his own cock bouncing against his stomach, untouched, weeping.  Already his stomach was coiling tighter.

  “Astrals!” Ignis hissed, writhing above Noct.

  Noct slowed his own upward thrusts, letting Ignis rock up and down, his hands firm on Ignis’ slim hips to help him control his rhythm.  He watched enthralled as Ignis lost control completely, sweat beading on his skin, flushed from cheeks to chest, lips parted as he panted, glazed green eyes slipping closed.

  “Let go, babe, I got you,” Noct groaned, helping Ignis grind down.

  Ignis whimpered, clenching around Noct tighter.  He clutched at Noct, nails digging into Noct’ chest, rocking faster as he felt his orgasm overwhelming him.  His whole body tensed, thighs quivering, tingles spreading from his stomach out to his extremities, toes curling as his vision went white.

  Ignis let out a strangled cry of Noct’s name, spilling onto Noct’s stomach, hips stuttering to a halt as he slumped over, mewling softly.

  Noct wrapped his arms around Ignis, murmuring praise as Ignis slowly came down from his high, not moving as he knew Ignis would be over sensitive.  Ignoring the fact they were almost glued together, Noct rolled them over, still sheathed inside.  Ignis immediately curled his legs around Noct’s waist, keeping his Prince flush.

  Lacing their hands together, Noct nuzzled at Ignis’ cheek, “alright, Speccy?”

  “Mmmhmm,” Ignis mumbled, still incoherent.

  “I can pull out…” Noct began, thinking to finish himself off and let Ignis relax.

  “No,” Ignis interrupted, tone brooking no argument, canting his pelvis up.

  Noct didn’t argue, leaning back to slide in and out of Ignis, keeping his pace glacial, watching the expression of bliss cross his features.  It made Noct smile, then groan as Ignis lifted his hips up to meet each thrust.  Noct reached down, caressing Ignis’ chest, thumbs rubbing over his nipples, then down his sides to his hips.

  Ignis felt his body reacting to everything Noct was doing, his eyes rolling back as his prostate was brushed over again and again.  His cock began to harden, Noct leaning back down, resting on his elbows so he could reach Ignis’ mouth, crushing their lips together, his cock rubbing against his own stomach and Noct’s.  He could hear his own moans, falling from his mouth with every thrust Noct made.

  “Noct…please…harder,” he pleaded, tightening his thighs around Noct’s waist, urging him on.

  Noct nosed at his neck, nibbling messily as he increased the pace of his thrusts, starting to pound into Ignis’ ass.  Ignis arched up, pressing his chest against Noct’s, desperate for touch everywhere he could get it.  Pushing his feet against Noct’s lower back, he demanded more, harder, faster, Noct responding with a deep growl, pumping into Ignis wildly.

  Ignis felt his cock twitching, felt Noct starting to swell thicker inside him, canting his own pelvis up to allow Noct better access, so he could reach deeper. 

  “Yes, yes, yes,” Ignis chanted, voice hoarse, throwing his head back as Noct’s pumping strokes inside became erratic, signalling his impending orgasm.  When Noct started nailing his prostate with every thrust Ignis knew he couldn’t hold back his second orgasm for long, chasing Noct’s as much as his own, greedy for the sensation of his lover spilling inside him, filling him with that warmth.

  “Fuck…Ignis,” Noct ground out between gritted teeth, laying over Ignis, pressing kisses to his shoulder, neck, jaw, then finding his mouth, delving his tongue in, flicking it in time with his rutting hips, the slap of flesh drowning out all other sound.

  Ignis started clenching again, his ass fluttering around the girth of Noct’s dick, his release startling him as it overtook everything else.  Noct groaned harshly, thrusting hard a few last times before he stilled. 

  “Ahhh,” Ignis moaned, feeling the warmth of Noct’s come spurting deep inside him, coating his walls.

  Ignis held tight, running his hands over Noct’s back, crooning softly, delighting in the weight of his Prince on top, feeling so close to him, feeling more whole than he had in a long time.

  Noct rolled them both to their sides, burying his face in Ignis’ neck, mouthing at the salty skin.  Ignis couldn’t wipe the satisfied smile off his face, stroking fingers through the tangled locks of Noct’s hair.

  “Gods, that was…” Noct mumbled into his neck, his lips tickling as he kissed up to Ignis’ jaw.

  Ignis felt boneless, sated, humming his agreement.  “Thank you, love,” he whispered.

  Noct cupped his face, “no, thank you.”  A kiss was placed to Ignis’ lips gently, “I love you.”

  Ignis practically purred, nuzzling his nose with Noct’s, “I love you too.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is posted later than usual, wasn't very well yesterday, hope it made up for it.  
> So far this is all I had planned, but I have a few little ideas where I can take it further, will have to see if I can manage to write something that I feel fits.  
> Thank you all for reading and commenting and the kudos <3


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